Why is it so damn important to love ourselves?
I’m a little distracted today. The back room to the coffee shop is closed due to problems with their heating system, so today I am sitting in the front room surrounded by people. There is a guy across from me on some conference call. I just put on my headphones but his voice is too loud to drown out ;(. Uge.
Okay. I just moved seats. Focus Abigail. You can do this. Ignore the *squirrel* and carry on. Hey everybody! Here I am again. Taking time to get some exercise, process my life, and of course drink some yum yum yummy coffee!
It’s a new year and I love me a fresh start! 2022 was a hell of a ride but it was also the beginning of me learning to embrace all of myself. For the first time in my life, I allowed myself to think of what I truly wanted in life. I thought beyond all the boxes, past all the so-called “right and wrongs”, and into a beautiful endless space where I could literally choose anything that felt right to my soul. That place; that inviting, quiet place with no judgments, no rules and no preconceived ideas, is called “Freedom”. It was there that my truest, daring, most delightful self emerged. She was cautious; shy at first. Unsure if it was safe. But the more I stepped outside all my old beliefs and programming, the freer she felt; the braver she got; the more she flourished.
It’s been a year since she has begun to embrace her freedom and now I know with all of my heart, there is no going back. There will be no shoving her back in a cage. No more taping her mouth closed. No more shaming her for the way she feels. No more hiding for her. She is beautiful. She is perfect. She is the real me.
I am so grateful that Nate discovered I was bisexual and help set me free. Honestly, most of the hardest work has been in my own brain. Growing up SUPER sheltered with strict Christian religion hammered into me, then massively brainwashed in a cult, makes this acceptance of myself extremely hard. All the messaging of my whole life continually shows up. I deal with a lot of shame and doubts. It’s hard. I won’t lie. Everyday I am trying to rewire my thinking. I am often tempted to ditch it all and do what I’ve always known. Having 2 amazing partners who support and remind me of how important it is for me to embrace myself helps immensely. My kids help me a lot too honestly. I have watched them become free to explore who they are as they are watching their mom do the same thing. My girls write me notes and tell me how awesome it is that I am learning to love all of myself. I have the an amazing family.
Geez. It doesn’t get much better than that. And it seems with all that support and love that it would be smooth sailing from here. But the truth is, I have a lot of “undoing” to do and it’s going to take years of being intentional to make new pathways in my brain. I’ve been told that this life is a constant journey and we never “arrive”. I do my best to keep that in mind when I feel frustrated with myself but goddamn some days I sure wish I could finally pull up to a golden parking spot and never have a care or struggle again. I suppose maybe that is the after life. I’m not sure. If the after life has a coffee shop to blog in, then you can count on me writing a cool blog about it ;).
I wonder how many moms there are out there like me. Who have been playing the role, doing all the things, caring for everyone else, fulfilling all the responsibilities they have been told are theirs but denying themselves the freedom to dream of what truly brings them happiness. It’s like once we become a mom, we are expected to lose our identity. We say goodbye to our freedom, our desires, our dreams, the things we love to do, and we turn all of our energy to caring for our kids. We are told this is a beautiful thing; the ultimate sacrifice. And if we choose to home school, well that’s extra jewels in your crown. It’s the highest calling and the best thing we can do for our children.
But hold up: “Is it really?” I would argue wholeheartedly that the best thing we can do for our kids, is be an example of what we want them to be like when they grow up. This is going to vary slightly for each person but I’m pretty sure that no mom would ever say “Well, what I want most for my kids, is that they live stressed out with the burden to care for everyone else, that they completely lose themselves in the expectations of our society and most importantly that they deny themselves the freedom to create and live a life that brings them absolute happiness.” I know. That sounds bizarre. But yet if that is how we live our life, then most likely our children will grow up and repeat the same pattern.
I fucking love my kids. I don’t think I have ever met a mom who doesn’t. We want the best for our kids. So, it’s time we change the way we do life. It’s time for us to stop feeling selfish for taking care of ourselves. It’s time for us to exit the whirlwind and take some time to listen to what our gut has been trying to tell us all along. We need to stop hiding, running, and shaming parts of ourselves. Darling, you are beautiful. You deserve to be treated with utmost care and given the desires that belong solely to you.
If we want our kids to love themselves, then we had better start loving ourselves. It’s not just something we can check off our lists. It has to be a whole new way of living. We MUST prioritize ourselves and make time to listen to and honor our own needs.
I have some homework for y’all. Relax. It’s easy. Listen to this podcast “The Mel Robbins Podcast - the one science-backed habit you need in 2023.” It may be the best spent hour of your life. She gives a VERY simple habit to put into your day that will help you begin the journey of loving yourself. It’s stupid simple but so profound! I started doing the habit today and I am already loving it! Sometimes we need to know how to start and this is really easy to implement right away. I love this lady and highly recommend her podcast!
I know a lot of my blogs speak to moms and the struggle of being a mom but I want to put in a quick plug that this isn’t just for moms or women. I have a son who struggles with loving himself and he has a very critical inner voice. The truth is that most the time we end up being our worst enemy no matter what gender we are or what stage of life we are in. And though it’s super frustrating to navigate, it’s truly just our inner parts trying to protect us from pain. It takes hard work to acknowledge these parts but not let them keep us from living our best life.
Wherever you are in life, it’s never too late to wholeheartedly embrace yourself. Whether you are a mom or not. Regardless your gender. We all need love and the most important place to get that love is from yourself.
It’s worth it my friend. You are worth it.
I hope this new year you bust out of all those suffocating boxes and claim the freedom waiting for you.
Comments