Whoopsie
I realized something last night.
This last month has been crazy busy. I started networking like a wild woman and snagging each opportunity in the surrounding cities to share about my organization. I have met many awesome people and even though it’s been scary as shit, I have really enjoyed pushing myself out of my comfort zone to pursue my passion. The message I tell people when they ask me what Freedom For The Taking is: “To help people first discover their value, and then help them build lives they love.” Then, I expound on how we have to learn to prioritize ourselves and that we can begin to do that when we realize our value. People really resonate with this. I love, love, love talking to people about this and I hope that even in some small way, they walk away feeling empowered to love themselves better. However, in the midst of all my efforts to help others prioritize themselves, I forgot to prioritize myself.
I was talking to Nate last night about how exhausted I was and that’s when it hit me. I got so busy empowering the world, that I whizzed right past my own needs. Unfortunately, it’s not hard to do. I think most of us humans can easily get caught up in what feels like “the greater good” and we forget that we are first and foremost the “greatest good”. It feels good to help others but then suddenly we don’t feel good at all. We just feel exhausted, emotional, overwhelmed, and want to run away. Okay. So maybe I just specifically described myself, but you get the point. I think a lot of people can relate. It’s like we suddenly hit completely empty in our gas tank and our vehicle just dies out from underneath us, refusing to go one more inch. At that point, it’s a whole sha-bang and now we have to walk to the nearest gas station, buy a gas can, buy gas, bring it back, fill up the car, and then finally get back on the road. Either that, or we call a friend and have to wait frustrated and stuck on the side of the road until they bring us gas. It’s just shitty no matter which way you get it done.
Here’s my point: Wouldn’t it be much easier if we pulled into a gas station whenever we notice we have a ¼ tank of gas and just fill up before we run out? I know that sounds stupid simple but it’s the “noticing” part that is difficult. And this is the part that I suck at. By the time I notice I am running low on gas, it’s too late. The tank is dry as a bone. It’s the instant frustration and anger that come out of seemingly nowhere; it’s the sudden overwhelm about rather small things; it’s the flood of tears that cannot be contained. At this point, it basically takes an intervention and some serious intentional self-care to get myself rested and refueled before I’m ready to hit the road again.
Here is the lesson in all of this for me: “Learn to notice the warning signs my body gives me in advance and then give myself permission to tend to my needs.” It’s not rocket science but it is hard because I never feel like I have time to stop and care for myself. Everything feels so urgent and important.
“But wait a moment girl… aren’t you important too?” That voice, that precious, wise voice in my head is so gentle and soothing. That’s the voice I want to learn to listen to more. The other voices that scream at me to keep pushing past my exhaustion, that tell me I’m failing, I’m behind, I’m incompetent, those voices make me feel like I’m drowning. No matter how hard I try, I am never enough for those voices.
Why do I have all those negative voices? Where are they from? What are they scared of? I will be digging into these questions.
I want to fully embrace loving myself. I believe it’s a lifelong journey. I will never have it perfected. I know I will continue to struggle, but maybe I can get better each time and learn how to honor myself even on the days that I miss the signs and end up a sobbing mess like I was this morning. And sometimes that’s the hardest part. Having love and compassion for myself on the days that I realize I fucked up and forgot to prioritize myself. I am human after all. And part of being human is understanding that life is not about getting something right. It’s about living. That’s it. Living here on this strange and beautiful planet, doing our best to navigate, learn and adjust to our environment.
Let’s do ourselves a favor and discard the idea that we have to get anything “right”.
I want to thrive in my life. I want to use each breath I get to the fullest capacity possible… “but for heaven's sake Abigail, it’s kind of hard to make the most of each breath if you don’t first stop and catch it.” Okay inner voice, I hear you. I’m listening. I’m breathing now. I will refuel today. I will put aside the To Do List. I will set down the anxiety and stress to push, push, push to get my organization up and running. I will remember that the world doesn’t need me to exhaust myself rushing around and preaching how people need to value themselves. It needs me to love myself so wild and big that it can’t help but be changed because I showed up fully alive and overflowing.
Peace out my lovely friends. I stayed home this morning to blog due to unpredictable storms in my area, but it’s time for me to hit the road on my bike now and get myself some much-needed self-care.
Don’t forget to do the same for yourself; preferably before your tank runs out. But even then, it’s okay. It’s all a learning experience. Take whatever time you need. You are worth it. I am worth it.
Thanks for walking through this wild adventure with me called “Life”.
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