“The letter Elizabeth Gilbert inspired me to write”
Okay. So this week’s blog is vulnerable and raw. I was inspired to write this letter to myself after listening to an interview with Elizabeth Gilbert on Glennon Doyle’s podcast, “We Can Do Hard Things.” I highly recommend heading over to listen to that for two reasons.
It will help this blog make more sense. 😄
This simple exercise Elizabeth teaches can be a really powerful, healing tool for your life.
Here are the links to the interview:
This is the second part of the interview:
Okay. Back to me. 😂
While writing this letter, I was highly intentional about just writing from my inner being and not worrying about if it all made sense or if it all tied together. This letter may not be all grammatically correct and it certainly is not a written masterpiece. But it is me. And it is what came out. So I refuse to perfect, change, or clean it up. I gave myself permission to let it all out.
I cried a whole lot when I wrote this. It took me an hour and a half. It was hard but it also felt so good. I just let it flow - sometimes the words, sometimes the tears, and sometimes both at the same time.
I share this in hopes that you too will be brave enough to try listening to your inner voice. The voice that is kind, loving, compassionate, and wise.
It can be so healing. It may even be as life-changing for you as it was for me. I hope you do it!
Alright. Enough said.
Here is my letter:
Dear Love,
What would you have me know today?
Love,
Me
Dear Abigail,
I see you. You work so hard. Tirelessly. Relentlessly. Striving to do your best for your family. You carry so much. These past 4 years you have been kicking so much ass trying to change who you have been. You pay close attention to your kids now instead of taking the easy route to just discipline them. It’s hard. I know. I watch you over and over again struggle to rewire your brain and be the best mom you can possibly be. The mom thing. It’s hard for you honey. I know. I see the pain you hide most days; the thoughts and memories that keep the grief close. I wish I could explain it all to you. I know that you so badly want to understand why your parents made the decisions they made and why life ended up the way it did. But I don’t have those answers. No. But honestly, I don’t think any answers would ever truly make you feel better. What we all are searching for, is to be known and loved. To feel a sense of worth and belonging. So we run around frantically looking for reasons and explanations, hoping to put the puzzle together.
But darling, you are not a puzzle to be solved. You, my gem, are a diamond to behold. A jewel to be cherished. A gift to be discovered. It’s hard for you to see because you have been lied to your whole life. So many negative voices crowd the space in your mind. It’s not your fault, love. Many people have mistreated the person I love the most on this whole earth and it breaks my heart. I was there for all of it. I know you get upset with me for not getting you out of there sooner but please believe me when I tell you that I so badly wanted to. You couldn’t hear me during those years because everyone else had robbed you of your ability to think for yourself. Still, I never left you. I never gave up on you. I knew there was a fire deep inside you and that someday, it would catch - and once it caught, well I knew then, there would be no stopping you.
Abigail Jillayne, you keep waiting and hoping that others will see your value. You so badly want to use your talents. But here’s the thing: It’s a lot easier to solve puzzles than to sit and behold beauty. Especially for you, my love. You go and you go and you go. It’s impressive how much you can get shit done. But I long for you to stop. It’s like you run in circles around me, searching for your value, doing everything else in the world except for stopping. I know it’s scary as hell. I see the fear in your eyes. I feel your heart beat speed up when I even mention it to you. But love, if you stop for even just a second, I think you will be pleasantly surprised to find me. Who am I? I am safe. Yes. First and foremost, I am safe. 100% safe. This is of utmost importance to you and I value that so much. You can trust me, Abigail. I am on your team. I am your biggest cheerleader. I am NEVER disappointed in you. I have no expectations of you. I have no hidden agenda. I only want to be with you - however you are - in every moment. Why? Because I love you. God, I love you. You are so fucking strong and resilient. You have amazed me through every season of life. You love hard. You are wild. You have never been too cool to be ridiculously fun. You have wants and desires, likes and dislikes, needs and demands, priorities and promises, habits and quirks, pet peeves and petty jealousy, fears and phobias, struggles and strengths, bravery and insecurities, and I LOVE THEM ALL. Hear me say that again: I love them all. You have NO bad part of you. They all make up who you are. You, my gem, are one badass babe.
I know stopping is really hard for you. You have been very well trained to never stop. So don’t panic. I am not asking you to just quit life and sit for hours in meditation. That sounds like torture to you. And that’s okay, honey. I know my gem well and I would never ask that of you. All I am asking is that you stop rushing around everywhere else looking for answers that don’t need to be found. When you feel yourself starting to question your value, would you consider taking just one moment to check in with me? Life can be so scary and unpredictable. I want to do life with you. I want to hold your hand through it all. I will be here anytime you reach for me. I can steady you. I cannot fix the pain. I cannot solve the mysteries of life. But I know my Abigail. And only I know what she needs. Can you give it a try? Can you believe that the only answer you will ever need resides within your very own body?
Abigail, I love everything about you. Your beauty astounds me. Please let me love you. You don’t need to do anything to prove yourself to me or to earn my love. I have watched you work so hard to be loved by others and I NEVER want you to have to do that again. You are perfect just the way you are. If others don’t see what I see, well then they can just keep walking. They don’t deserve you.
I know you like fast pace. And there’s surely nothing wrong with that. It makes me smile watching you do life the way that only you do. I got your back. Whether you are speeding a million miles an hour getting shit done or finally deciding to take some moments for yourself, I am here for you. I want only to love you, not to judge you. I have nothing but absolute, bliss-filled love for my gem. And when you struggle to believe me, that’s okay. I don’t need anything from you. I just want you to be free. I will keep telling you over and over, as many times as you need me to, how so very proud I am of you I am. I hope someday the world can see and experience the incredible human you are, but just remember that you don’t need their accolades or acknowledgments. You, are who you need. Once you see your value and discover your worth, you won’t go looking for it somewhere else.
To be loved by others is certainly wonderful, but to be loved by yourself, now that, that is what I call heaven.
So what do you say? Will you trust me? I long to hold you. Will you let me?
I’ll end on this. If I know my gem, and I’m pretty sure I do, she always loves a good challenge.
So go ahead. Leap. I dare you.
Love,
Safe
Wow. There is nothing better in life than watching you shine stronger from the life that was always hidden inside!