“Sticky Notes” My new best friends
On the wall in front of my desk, I have 4 sticky notes. I put them there to remind me that it’s okay to struggle. For some reason, it always feels like a failure when I am not thriving and happy. But that’s a fairy tale. No one is happy all the time. The human experience is about all the feelings. No feeling is a bad feeling. No feeling is a better feeling. They are all a part of what makes us the unique individual we are. Some of us have a hard time not crying when things go wrong. For me, sometimes I have a hard time allowing myself to cry. I wasn’t sure why until I sat down to journal.
This is what came out:
Why is it so hard for me to. . .
Let down my walls
To feel
To cry
When I’m overwhelmed it feels like a waste of time. If I take the time to dig into my feelings, I’ll get sucked into something I don’t have time for.
It feels safer to numb. To just pull myself up by my bootstraps and finish the day out.
Crying hurts my heart. Makes me feel drained.
I feel if I take the time to stop and “feel” I will lose traction and be unable to complete my duties for the day.
My mom was all about being productive. My mom didn’t take the time to feel. She just set her face like flint and got shit done.
But I don’t want to be my mom.
What do I do?
After I wrote all this down, I sat and looked at what I had written. Then I looked out the window and watched the rain fall down on my van windshield. I wasn’t sure what to do next but I felt better just getting it out. Sometimes, well more often than I’d like to admit, I bury stuff so deep that even I do not know what I am struggling with.
Then I noticed my blank sticky notes. I pulled them out of my folder and just like the rain was washing away the dust off my windshield, these truths came pouring out.
Maybe you should let yourself be frustrated. Your frustrations are real.
Maybe you’re allowed to feel overwhelmed. Your situation is overwhelming.
Maybe you don’t have to hold it together.
The earth needs rain too.
I stuck each note over top of the paper I had just written out and it felt like freedom. Freedom to struggle. Freedom to feel. Freedom to be frustrated, overwhelmed, and messy. Freedom to be me; whatever that looks like in that moment. And suddenly I wasn’t trying to not cry. I expected a flood of tears, but I found a smile crawling across my face. A smile of relief and acceptance. “You’re okay, girl.” I whispered to myself. Then I started my van and headed home.
I hope you take the time to find and process the things you are scared might swallow you whole. I know it’s difficult darling, but every time I finally force myself to slow down and dig in, I am so grateful I did. I find my center again, but most importantly I continue to realize that I am perfect just the way I am. You are too. I promise.
Sending all of you huge hugs.
I luv stiky notes 2 😘