RED FLAGS
I grew up ignoring these. You know. That feeling in your gut when something isn’t sitting right with you. I was taught to only listen to the voice of God…which basically meant the voice of the leaders and those in high spiritual positions. I remember being told these actual words “You should trust a dog over yourself.” True story.
When you spend most of your life believing that you cannot trust your inner voice it has very serious consequences. Our family has suffered deep pain and trauma due to Nate and I being horribly mislead. I cannot change the past but what I CAN DO is change my mindset. It’s been hard as hell but it’s also brought immense freedom to my whole family. One of the most important things I have learned is to pay attention to the red flags.
It’s crazy because I still struggle to trust when I feel uneasy inside. My first instinct is to doubt myself. I instantly judge myself and begin convincing myself to be more concerned about how others feel instead of how I am feeling. I suppose if you have been brainwashed your whole life, then it takes time to undo all that. But I think that everyone to some degree struggles to value their voice especially when they have to disappoint others. I wish it was easier. It’s damn hard learning to honor my intuition.
I guess it’s like anything else. We only get strong in the things that we practice and work hard at on a daily basis. I’m still in the learning curve of it where I usually ignore the inner voice, then I catch myself, sometimes sooner than later, and have to go back and use my voice. It’s progress though so I am definitely celebrating that!
I still struggle to not feel guilty though; especially when I worry that those I deeply care about might not feeling loved in that moment. But the people that are in my circle, the ones that I trust, they always want to understand; they are supportive of my voice even when it may be hard for them to hear. And that’s the thing. The ones who are your people will never discount what you feel. They will champion you. Anyone that tries to silence your voice or argue their point, they are the ones you must watch out for. Sometimes they will straight out bully you, but most will try other methods that are harder to identify.
Here are some things people have done to me that are red flags:
Using guilt to try and convince me
Acting as if they really care but they have an underlying agenda
Saying they totally relate to me and my circumstances but they use that as an excuse to try and speak into my life with their opinions
Saying “the right things” but not actually doing the right things
Using their emotions and feelings to try and control me
Expressing how much they love me and want to be connected to me but it’s never been a relationship that goes both ways. These people will drain you dry.
This list is by no means exhaustive. But my hope is that it will empower you as you are navigating the holiday season. This time of year can be really challenging to have boundaries and choose to value your voice over all the other ones screaming for your attention. But friend, you deserve the best. Don’t settle for anything less than what brings you ultimate happiness; and when a red flag suddenly pops up, pay attention and heed it’s warning.
I have never met anyone that said “Damn. I sure wish I would have ignored my gut.”
Just sayin’. 🙂
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