Leaping into a New Season of Life
Hello, my friends. I am happy to report that I am slowly recovering from my heat exhaustion episode. This morning I biked for the first time in 2 weeks. I went with my daughter nice and early while it was 58 degrees since being out in the heat still makes me feel sick. We only went 7 miles but it felt so wonderful to be on my bike again and feel the cool wind on my face. Although this season of healing has felt torturous at times, it has also been really beneficial in helping me change some of the toxic ways I have navigated my life. I am learning to listen closely to my body and honor it when it says it needs rest. It feels really good to love my body in this way.
I don’t think I will be able to handle much heat until next summer but I am hopeful that by then, my body will be healed enough to adjust to the heat, AND I will be a bit wiser. I am so grateful that summer is ending soon and fall is right around the corner. The cool breeze this morning smelled like crisp fall leaves, mowed grass, and hope for this cyclist.
Speaking of changing seasons, when this blog comes out, my girls will be in public school for the first time and my son will be driving 7 hours away to start college. It has taken me this whole past year to arrive at this spot and finally feel peaceful. I have struggled; I have done a lot of deep digging; I have cried a lot, but I haven’t quit searching for what I feel is best for my kids. Do I still have fears? You bet. Do I still doubt my decision to put my girls in public school? Hell, yes. Will it be an easy change? No. Nope. And never.
I have always had my kids with me. Even when I worked as a therapeutic instructor in Colorado before I had my own business, I took my kids with me. They would bring all their school books and I would help them on lunch break and when we got home. I have been beyond dedicated to being available for my kids 24/7. I wanted to protect them. I wanted them to know that they were the most important thing in the world. I gave all of my life to raising, training, and teaching them even when I longed to follow my dreams. What I didn’t know was that in sacrificing myself I was teaching them to grow up and do the same. It’s taken the last 4 years for me to sort this all out and allow myself to think outside the very conservative, judgmental, fearful box I was raised in.
I am getting excited for my kids.
Jaden is heading off to start building his own life. I know it’s going to be a challenge, but I also know that he has matured immensely this past year and become more confident in himself. I am going to miss him as no words can describe, but it’s time for me to let go. God, it’s hard to let go, but my boy needs room to spread his wings and I can’t keep him to myself forever. He’s going to be shit amazing, and this I am sure of.
My girls are ready. They are ready to explore and discover new opportunities, make new friends, and put their values to practice. They are beautifully bold and brave. I know parts of it will be hard for them, like having to be stuck in a building, sitting at desks for long hours, but I know there will also be other parts of it that they really love. They have so much to offer the world, and I truly believe that taking this step will help them be better prepared for life.
I still get waves of overwhelming doubt and fear that just about paralyze me and make me want to change my mind and pull my kids close to me and never let them out of my sight, but I know that making decisions based on my fears is not something I want to do. I have poured everything I have into these kids and now it’s time to let them go put it all to use.
So what about me? Well, I am going to finally be able to focus wholeheartedly on pursuing my dream with Freedom For The Taking. I have no clue how it will all pan out, but I know that I have to just keep trying until the right doors open. For the first time in my life of raising kids for 18 years, I won’t be a stay-at-home, homeschool mom. Weird. Totally weird to think about, but it also feels right. It’s time; time for me also to take wings.
Change is one of the scariest things for humans. It’s the unknown that scares the shit out of me. But I refuse to stay stuck in a mindset that no longer serves me. Yes, trying new things is extremely uncomfortable but I also know that we have to be uncomfortable in order to learn and grow. This is not just an opportunity for me to grow, this is also a chance for my kids to grow. And that to me is what makes it worth it.
I think that’s all for today, my friends. I am so proud of my kids. I am also really proud of myself. I am a whole different person than the woman I was 4 years ago.
Navigating life isn’t easy for any of us, but here we are, doing the hard work and continuing to show up. For those of us whose lives are changing with the seasons, I am sending you a huge hug.
We got this. One day at a time. I love you guys.
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