I Am Offended
It’s true. I am offended. I know this may be an awkward way to start a blog but it’s really been bothering me so I decided it was time to address the elephant in my brain. 😄
My name is Abigail. Growing up, everyone called me Abby. It was fine. It’s all I ever really remember being called since I was a kid.
Over the years, my friends and family adopted their own versions of a nickname for me. “Abbers”, “Abba-dab”, “Abs”, and “Abby Jo” are a few of them. I liked the nicknames because they were from people who knew and loved me. It felt endearing.
But here’s the problem: That was a very traumatic time of my life. I no longer stay in contact with the majority of those people. They are not safe. They caused me and my family an immense amount of pain. So, we left all those toxic relationships behind and built a new life.
I have changed. I am not the same person I was 4 years ago. Hell, I’m not the same person I was even 1 year ago. I work really hard to continually evolve and to get a little bit closer to being my true self every day. As I have allowed myself the freedom to discover the honest, raw me, I have realized many important things. I have written previously about some of those things, but one thing I have not. Today I will tell you what that is.
I do not like being called Abby. Honestly, I have always preferred Abigail but I never felt the confidence to ask people to call me that. What the hell is that about? Abigail is my actual name. Why would I feel scared to ask people to call me by my birth name? That’s so stupid!
What is worse is that I STILL really struggle to ask people to call me Abigail! Ridiculous I know, but inside I feel like I am inconveniencing people. It’s as if I don’t want to stress their poor tongues by asking them to say such a long name as Abigail. Wow. When people ask me if I go by Abigail or Abby I suddenly feel unworthy of having an opinion, so I quickly say “Whatever you want is fine.” Of course, then everyone chooses to call me Abby, but inside I am sad and frustrated and wish I could say what I actually want.
This may all sound like a simple and easy fix to you. It really shouldn’t be hard to ask someone to call you by your name. But the truth is, I was taught to always put everyone else’s needs over mine. The religion fed to me had a lot of teachings about putting yourself aside, being a doormat, denying yourself, and taking up your cross. I ingested these messages for over 30 years and it became my way of life, so much so that it felt selfish of me to want people to call me Abigail.
This makes me so sad. I will be 40 in less than 2 weeks. I have lived almost 40 years letting people call me by a name that I never wanted to be called. It’s sickening how some people can use religion to control others to the extreme that they give up all their rights, even their own name.
No more. It ends today. I am taking my power back in this area. My name is Abigail. I love my name. I have always loved the name Abigail and never wished for another one. I just wish people would actually call me that. Well, from now on, I am going to insist on it.
Lately, I have been getting super offended because there have been several incidents where I tell people my name is Abigail and the next thing I know, they are calling me Abby. I GET ANGRY INSIDE IMMEDIATELY! “Seriously? Are you deaf? Did you not just hear me say Abigail?” What the hell is that all about? They just assume that they can call me Abby! It feels very disrespectful. When someone tells me their name, I do not instantly find a shorter version to call them. I find it very assumptive and rude when people do this.
But the worse part is that, so far, I haven’t corrected people when they do that. Even though I am filled with sudden rage inside, at the same time I am filled with shame for wanting them to call me Abigail. So instead of standing up for myself and correcting them, I just smile weakly and pretend it’s fine. I fuckin’ hate this. I hate the shame that keeps my mouth from speaking my truth.
I am damn tired of smashing down the desires inside me. There is NOTHING wrong with having my own identity and expecting others to respect what I want for myself.
This is going to be hard for me. Really hard. But I want to honor myself and this has to change. I am not Abby. I am Abigail. If that’s too hard for people to say, then they can happily go find another friend whose name is shorter for god’s sake.
As I have been digging through my trauma and uncovering myself it never ceases to amaze me how much I had given all my power to others. As I allow myself to heal, I continue to see areas I have been trapped in, and I am able to reclaim my territory.
I hope you too are able to give yourself permission to want what you want, feel how you feel, and live in a way that feels amazing and right for you. This is your life. Go live it wild and free. And for heaven’s sake, don’t let anyone call you anything except the name you love.
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