Go Big AND Go Home

Life never turns out how we expect it to. Then again, I guess if it did, it would be pretty boring. I like to know what to expect, yet I am always hoping for the unexpected to come and break up the monotony.

We want it hot, but then it’s too hot and we can’t wait for the cold . . . until the cold comes. And on it goes, for the rest of our life.

Humans are funny creatures. It’s hard to make us happy for very long. We want predictability, but it’s the unexpected, fun surprises that make us feel alive and happy. We need a certain amount of stability to feel safe, but we also need variety and challenges to keep us thriving.

Someone recently commented to me that their story looks very different than they thought it would. I feel that. Deeply. I never in one million years could have even pictured my life being what it has evolved to now. It’s not a bad thing. In fact, it’s actually the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am happier than I have ever been in my whole life.

But there is one thing about our lives changing that we ALL have in common - change. Even the best changes are still changes and, if you are a human, change is one of the scariest things we will ever experience.

I find this strange because we are literally designed to keep changing and evolving throughout our whole lives. From a scientific standpoint, we are the one species that keeps our “baby brain”. We hold the ability to keep learning until we die. It’s quite a special feature. However, even though we have incredible brains, it still doesn’t make it easy to change. Though we have the brain capacity, we don’t always have the guts.

This morning I am sitting at our little town park, drinking my coffee as a melancholic mood wavers over me. Change is coming. A big one. I want it and I am ready - yet there is a part of me that will never feel ready.

I think it’s the little girl. The one with a tumultuous childhood who never had her own space to call home. After 35 years of less-than-desired circumstances, she finally bought her own home. She spent 5 years making the most beautiful haven she could for her family. Though this first home was not pain-free, she did her best to make their home a safe space to heal. Eventually, she opened it to the public so they too could experience the instant peace that resided in her little piece of heaven. People came. People healed. People laughed and people played.

But it’s time. Time to move. You see, during the last 5 years as our hearts were healing and opening, the love of my soul, Jennifer, came into our lives. It’s been the best thing that ever happened to me, and quite honestly, the best thing that has ever happened my marriage also. She is the puzzle that has been missing from my heart. With the growth of our family, we need a bigger house. It feels right to all of us to find a new space to expand and hopefully be closer to a bigger city so that Freedom For The Taking can have more opportunities. My girls are excited for a change. Well, all of us are, but it doesn’t come without a bit of sadness also. We love our property. I am trusting that Nature has our backs and will provide us with another beautiful, perfect space for our family.

We will sign papers today to list our house with a realtor. I have never sold a house. It’s fucking scary and intensely overwhelming but Jennifer and Nate are by my side every second, working together towards the life we want to build. I am so grateful to have them.

Letting go is never easy, especially with things near and dear to our hearts. I have already shed quite a few tears and I know there will be many more. But, I keep moving forward because I also know in my heart and can feel in my body that this is right for us. And truth be told, the things really worth doing are the things that also scare the shit out of us. We don’t achieve greatness and satisfaction without pushing ourselves past our fears. I’m sure the athletes who climbed Mt. Everest felt a little afraid a time or two. ;)

Today I will make space for the little girl who is scared of the unknown and afraid there won’t be a new space for her. One that she will love as much as this one. I will hold her and tell her that I refuse to believe that Nature will leave her out to dry. She is a beautiful, giving soul, and she deserves to have all of her heart’s desires. I will not abandon her. Together, we will find a new home, the perfect home that has room for her wild soul and the wild souls of her children.

I believe that, if we pay attention, we will see life opening doors and things falling into place as the time is right. Even though I am scared, I am also trusting. Fear and trust at the same time? Well now that’s crazy - the ability to hold two seemingly opposite feelings in my body simultaneously.

Being a human can sure feel puzzling. Shout out to all my fellow humans out there bravely working through your own life puzzle. Whether change is happening to you without your consent or you are choosing a change of some sort, it’s all hard - and I hope you can be proud of how brave you continue to be. No, our stories never turn out the way we thought they would, but we do have the power to make choices every day to lead us to a life we love. I know this to be true because our family is living proof!

Keep moving towards what makes you feel amazing!

#changeisbeautifulbuthard

#loveyourself

#thetimeisright

#anditsalsotimetoeat