Everyone Loves A Good Love Story
Two years ago today, at a beautiful little park, inside a canopy of tall trees, with a hand-picked group of friends and family, an extraordinary ceremony unfolded. Instead of expensive, stressful, traditional fanfare, stunning simplicity etched a unique love story. A story that broke people’s brains and continues to confuse many people.
It’s a story of friendship, discovery, fighting for freedom, letting go of unhealthy relationships, embracing desires, and willingness to do the hard work. Ultimately though, it’s a story of love - about two women who stumbled into undeniable bliss, shocking truth, and a choice to embrace their freedom.
Two years ago, my husband Nate, spoke to the small group gathered to celebrate with us. He shared about the beautiful relationship he had witnessed blossom and how much better all of our lives are since we have chosen to embark on this journey together. Amidst a hot day that had sweat dripping down his face, he wore the biggest smile I have seen on him, and a Hawaiian shirt with the words, “Prideful”, printed on the back. There was no mistaking the joy that radiated from his being. Nate has never been capable of faking anything. This love story wasn’t just about the love between two women; it was also about a man so deeply in love with his wife that he wanted nothing more than to set her free.
Nothing about our journey follows the typical love story. I almost refrained from calling it a love story because that term has become so cheap and watered down. However, if there is one thing that humans all have in common, it would be the need to love and be loved.
And here’s the thing people: it’s not about finding the perfect partner. Hell no. That doesn’t exist. Falling in love with Jennifer was the thing that opened my eyes to the truth that what I truly needed was to learn to love myself. However, a big part of learning to love myself was allowing myself to have the things that my heart craved - and she was what I craved. But love does not claim something and then rely on it to fulfill all its needs.
That continues to be the hardest thing for me. I am often tempted to fall back into old patterns. It doesn’t help that numerous love songs on the radio reinforce this thinking. They sing things like, “I would die if I didn’t have you”, or the song is about lost love and how life no longer has meaning. There are so many songs written with these messages because most people relate to them. After all, life is about the search for true love, right?
Yes! Yes, it is, but we may be searching for it in the wrong places. It’s right inside you friend. It’s been there all along. However, it’s never a one-and-done thing. It’s a lifelong commitment to yourself - to listen to, trust, and embrace all of yourself.
Jennifer and I both wrote letters to each other that we read aloud at our ceremony. Neither of us knew what the other had written. What unfolded was a testimony to the work we had done inside ourselves. It wasn’t a “till death do we part,” pledge. We only promised each other that we would honor ourselves first and foremost.
No human on earth needs to bear responsibility for my happiness. That is my job. Finding my freedom meant allowing myself to dream and desire. That was terrifying for me. I was so afraid of being selfish. All the voices in my head tried to tell me I wasn’t allowed to think outside the box and I sure as hell wasn’t allowed to want a woman.
I am so grateful that Nate pushed me to explore. Most of you reading this blog post will never understand Nate, but I am learning to be okay with that. He doesn’t have to make sense to you. What I can tell you is that this new adventure of nonmonogamy has opened my eyes to a part of Nate I never even knew existed - and let me tell you, it’s damn beautiful.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not been a cakewalk. Love is complicated, especially when you have absolutely no template to follow. But we like it that way. I’ve done the so-called “normal” thing. I’ve been the good, Christian, stay-at-home housewife who served her husband like he was Christ himself. I’m done with that. Real done. Instead of a humble, self-sacrificing wife, there is now a wild, confident, gem with a badass tan because she wears what she wants. She still fights self-doubt and guilt but slowly she is also learning to “do” what she wants.
Each of us has different desires. It’s supposed to be that way. We are all different. Maybe two partners is not your jam, but for me, it’s the best damn thing that I’ve ever had. Today I celebrate the love that swept me off my feet and changed the course of my whole life. I celebrate Nate’s deep, unwavering love that set me free. His openness to change and his excitement to build a life that feels good to both of us continues to amaze me. I celebrate my beloved Jennifer, whose love is so strong that she was willing to leave everything she had ever known. Her bravery to leap without any guarantees blew me away. She continues to amaze me every time she pushes me more towards freedom instead of clutching to me with fear. She is one of the most incredible humans I have ever known and I am so fucking grateful that I get to love and be loved by her.
Happy Anniversary to the three of us embarking on this wild adventure together!
“The climb is arduous, but damn, the view is beautiful.”
-Abigail Jillayne
I hope this blog post encourages you to write your own unique love story.
Anything is possible, for those brave enough to make their desires a reality.
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