Different Doesn't Have To Be Offensive

Sep 4, 20245 min read

Hey there. I’m feeling hazy this morning, drinking my coffee and staring out the window. Thoughts whirl around my head with no organization. Honestly, I feel discouraged.

Yep. Typing that just now settled something inside me that feels true.

*soft exhale

School just started, and my girls are finishing up their second week at this new public school. We moved to this area because we wanted to be as close to Springfield as possible and still have a place that has property for our animals. We don’t know anyone in this little town. Most people in this area have been here their whole lives, and it’s not uncommon for their families to have been here for generations.

On the other hand, we are more like nomads - we don’t plan to settle anywhere permanently - unless it’s New Zealand. We aren’t your typical small-town family.

Well, truly nothing about our family is typical. We like it that way. ;)

We live in Missouri. In every presidential election since 2000, Missouri has voted Republican. This was great news when we moved to the state over 5 years ago. Back then we were a very conservative, Christian homeschool family. We fit right in.

But when the shit hit the fan just a few months later, our whole world blew apart.

We began questioning all we had been taught. We questioned why we believed what we did. We questioned our values. We questioned our judgments. We questioned our parenting. We questioned everything.

It’s quite intriguing to me how we spent our whole life holding tightly to what we had come to believe was “right” without questioning or even considering that there could be other options. I shouldn’t be surprised though; the human brain is wired to latch onto the beliefs it has had the most exposure to.

However, the excruciating pain my family went through shook us to our core. We suddenly had a lot of questions.

It’s been a hell of a journey to rebuild our life but I’m proud to say that we have found what feels right to us. We have left religion for good, completely changed our parenting, embraced our queerness, opened our minds, and enrolled our kids in public school. Nothing has ever felt so right and so good. Now at age 41, I finally feel at home inside my body. It’s fucking incredible.

What isn’t fucking incredible is moving to a close-minded, extremely Republican town where the teachers teach with bias, and the students boo loudly when the teacher points to the Democrats on the map. It enrages me. It sucks to be in the minority and feel afraid to speak up.

Nate and I plan to contact the teachers and principal to address this issue, but I also don’t have a lot of hope that my girls will feel supported in this school. I’m not asking that anyone agree with our views but I sure would like there to be a more level perspective taught to the students. It makes me so upset for my daughters because it’s already difficult to make friends in a new area.

I hate how politics can make people turn on each other. It’s like if someone believes something different, then they are the enemy. It’s so tempting to fall into this pattern. I instantly get angry at the teachers when I hear some of the things they say or allow. I have to remind myself that I used to be one of them and I spent a lot of my former life shaming other people who didn’t align with my values.

Here is what I am going to do:

I will speak up. I will speak my truth. I will not shrink even if I am the only one standing for something different.

But I will also…

Remember that everyone has a right to live and choose what feels right to them. Respect goes both ways. Even if they aren’t understanding, open, or kind, in the end, they are just humans navigating their world to the best of their knowledge and experience. The last thing I want to do is be a people hater.

When I was a Christian, I was taught to be extremely judgemental. My whole goal in life was “saving souls” - which is a nice way of saying, “I am right and you need to believe what I believe or you will burn in hell.” I know that sounds harsh but it’s true. Christianity has been known to create some pretty harsh people. We don’t mean to be. It’s basically how the system is set up. It makes it difficult to love people without judging them and thinking you know better.

However, atheists can also be judgemental. Any belief that sets you apart from others naturally makes you dislike those who believe differently. It’s in our DNA to think that anything outside our norm is bad.

So what can we do?

There is always something we can learn.

I was 18 years old when I was lucky to attend a special horsemanship clinic with my beloved horse Shiloh. It was taught by Ray Hunt, a legendary horseman. At the time, he was in his late 70s and only had one lung. Even so, he was riding a young colt during the clinic as he taught our large group of 20 riders. He could get that green horse to do maneuvers that the rest of us could hardly even wrap our minds around. He had a way with horses. He truly was a genius.

This clinic was many years ago, but there was one thing he said during that clinic that has stuck with me forever.

“You can always learn something from people. Sometimes you just learn what not to do.” -Ray Hunt

Recently, I’ve heard some people talk about Democrats in a pretty hateful way. It seems they will use whatever they can to make fun of Democrats. I am sure Democrats are guilty of doing the same thing to Republicans. I know this is an election year, and everyone is feeling the need to support their views - but this behavior should not be acceptable.

We can do better. There has to be a better way forward. Every human deserves to be treated with respect regardless of their beliefs or life choices.

Life can be confusing, and humans are messy. Though some of these situations really suck, I am grateful for the opportunity to continue growing and learning. I can’t control others but I sure as hell can work on myself. It’s not exactly easy, but I figure it’s a much better way to spend my energy than trying to force others to see things my way.

We are all unique. Why are we so surprised or offended when others feel different than us?

To all my fellow citizens out there standing for what they believe, I see you. Stand tall. Just please don’t squash your neighbor for feeling differently. Lord knows we don’t need a bunch of clones of ourselves.

Diversity is what makes our planet so damn beautiful!