Changing The World - One Class At A Time
This week I am substituting for an intermediate school, an elementary school, and a high school. One thing I enjoy about being a substitute is the opportunity for variety. The change of scenery keeps me from feeling trapped. Some people love the predictable and having consistency in life, but not me. I mean, I do somewhat, but having the freedom to choose the job and move around is much more important to me than knowing exactly what I will be doing each day.
Teaching children though, no matter their age, can be exhausting. Sometimes I come home drained. Some evenings it takes every ounce of energy to be available to my girls and to hear about their day and all their crazy stories because my brain is screaming from overstimulation. But I do it anyway because I never want my kids to feel like they only get the leftovers of me. Still, I am learning my limits, which usually means getting to bed at a good time before becoming a grumpy mom monster. 😄
As with any job, there are pros and cons. I wasn’t sure if I would like substitute teaching but I decided that it was worth a try and would hopefully help me connect with my community. There have been days when I wonder why I decided to go with such a mentally demanding job, but overall, I am grateful and glad to be a substitute. Every day I have multiple opportunities to positively influence a kid’s life. I love showing each one of them how valuable they are.
Recently, when I was helping students pair up for a project, several boys asked if they could be at a table together to work. Instantly, all the rest of the students said, “No! Don’t let them! That will be a disaster!” By the urgent look on their faces, I could tell they were trying to save me from trouble since I wasn’t familiar with these students. I took a moment to consider the situation, and then an idea popped into my head. “Okay, guys.” I began. “Since I am new, and I don’t know any of you, here is what I would like to do.” The boys asking to sit together all looked at me with hopeful eyes. “I am going to give you all a clean slate. I will assume that you are responsible, awesome, and can manage yourselves - and what I would like you to do, is prove all the other students wrong. Show them and yourselves, that you can be different. I believe in you. Are you guys up for this challenge?” The boys all but jumped for joy as they responded in unison, “Yes! Yes, we can!” The rest of the class looked a bit surprised and slightly skeptical. The boys gleefully grabbed their stuff and joined each other at a new table. I resumed class as if I had the most elite students in the school. After an hour-and-a-half-long class, not only did the boys keep from getting in trouble, they fucking rocked it! They had excellent self-control and worked hard to be respectful and follow directions. I gave them a chance to be a better version of what everyone else knew, and they jumped at the opportunity to shine.
Wouldn’t we all?
I have done this more than once with a classroom of students and watched the whole room transform in front of my eyes. The energy shifts from negative to hopeful. The students sit up taller. They carry a sense of pride. Curiosity spills into the room and suddenly every student is looking at me. They expected a boring, dreadful lesson but now are wondering what opportunities this class might hold. For the short time that I have these students, I get to create a space of value; a space of pride; and if I’m lucky, a space of delight.
I love kids. I love humans. I love bringing something different that can help break people out of the dullness of life. So many of these students have difficult home circumstances they are living in. I have had many kids open up to me and share their struggles. My heart breaks over and over again. I hate that I can’t make it all better for them. Some of these kids, at age ten, leave school each day and go home to parent their siblings and care for their struggling mom. They don’t complain about it though. It’s their normal. But I know how incredibly unhealthy and unfair that is for them to carry. Some students go home to a raging parent who doesn’t know how to deal with their own pain and instead takes it out on the kid. Many kids don’t know which parent is picking them up that day or whose house they are going to. The level of instability that some of these kids have on a daily basis is absolutely awful.
These stories only scratch the surface. Many days as I drive home, I carry a deep sadness. The faces of these precious humans never leave my mind. It’s hard - hard to know about all the pain and just have to carry it.
Instead of letting it all break me and keep me from continuing to be in these heart-wrenching spaces, I have decided to use the small amount of time I have with them to the best of my ability. I don’t want to waste one single second. I am not there to teach them how to be smart. I don’t care if they say yes ma’am or if they sit up straight. I refuse to believe that any kid is bad. Instead, I find a way to teach the lesson provided for the day but also snag as many moments as I can to show the children how beautifully valuable they are. I want them to see possibilities. I want them to know that they can do whatever the hell they put their mind to.
Some days I dance with the kids, some days we play games, and sometimes I walk around the room and take time to connect with each student.
I never know what I will be asked to teach that day until I show up and this really keeps me on my toes. But no matter what I am teaching, I look for opportunities to do what I love most - empowering humans to recognize their value.
Cycling into town this morning I was thinking about how it’s easy to feel like I am not making much of a difference in the world because Freedom For The Taking is taking such a long time to get established. I have been discouraged and frustrated. But then as I pedaled along the roads this morning, story after story poured into my mind of all the beautiful opportunities I have had to make a difference in student’s lives. I found a smile spreading across my face. Sure, substitute teaching doesn’t pay much, but that doesn’t mean I am not making a difference. I’m pretty sure Sojourner Truth didn’t get paid for all the work she did, but damn did she make a huge difference for a lot of people. Now that’s some food for thought.
Turns out, money isn’t how I should measure my worth. It sounds silly typing that out, but it’s the reality of my struggle sometimes.
Maybe someone needed to read this today. If this blog post has been a source of encouragement and support for you, then I am honored for the opportunity to lift you.
Whether we are world-recognized leaders, or simply substitute teachers having a 5-minute dance party during class, the amount of money we make isn’t what makes us valuable. The world needs you. It needs me. It needs us to keep showing up, in the spaces we have right now, and continue shining the light that only we can shine.
Thank you for being you. Thank you for what you bring. Let’s keep changing the world, one class at a time. ;)
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