Boxes and Bike Lanes
I am sinking. Not mentally thank goodness, (well not at the moment), but I am sinking into the couch I am sitting on to blog right now. I’m not sure if I have ever sunk into a couch so much. Weird. Why would someone design a couch that may not be able to hold up the weight of a human? Anyways. Focus, Abigail.
Today I biked 20 miles to a new coffee shop! I love new adventures! It wasn’t my favorite biking route due to a lot of speeding traffic, but it was an excellent brain challenge as I navigated areas I am not familiar with. Good stuff!
One of the roads through town had a biking space designated alongside the road. My first response was “How cool! I love that they make spaces for bikers to ride on!” However, as I rode in this area I quickly became irritated. The problem was that it was just like riding on the shoulder of the road except with lines to mark that it was for cyclists. If you have never ridden on the shoulder of a road let me break this down for you. The shoulder of the road is where all the crap goes. The rocks, debris, tree limbs, trash, broken glass, and any other hazardous object you can think of. So it’s not a smart OR safe place to ride a road bike with very skinny tires and no tread to protect you from getting a flat tire. I know this to be true because I have experienced it more than I wish to talk about. Anyways, I try to stay off roads that force me to ride the shoulder in order to let busy traffic pass. And one would think that if there was a designated bike path, it would be desirable to ride on, but apparently that’s not the case.
I kept getting frustrated because I would be trying to ride on the bike path but I would have to get back onto the road due to all the shit in the bikig lane. It felt like they put up marks and signs just to force bikers off the road and out of the way of everyone driving cars. It didn’t feel like a favor. It felt like a “Here is a lane just for you. Never mind that it’s a crappy shoulder. Stay on it and stay out of our way.”
As you can probably guess, I did NOT stay on it unless I absolutely needed to let some cars pass me. I wasn’t about to be crammed into a space that didn’t serve me well.
It got me thinking. A lot of times I feel this way in life. I do not fit neatly into any box. Scratch that. I just don’t fit into any box at all.
I am a mother who has homeschooled her kids for over 10 years but is now putting her kids into public school.
I have been a wife to my man for 18 years but this past year after discovering I was bisexual, I also committed myself to a woman.
I grew up extremely religious, but now I no longer subscribe to that. What once was an obedient, submissive, sacrificial woman, is now a confident, free, cursing-like-a-sailor badass who doesn’t grovel to please others anymore.
I used to be the model “good mom” that everyone said had the best kids in the world. But it was all just me doing what people had told me was the right thing to do. Nowadays, my kids swear and are learning to have minds of their own. I encourage them to find their own paths and not to worry about what others think of them. I don’t focus on raising obedient kids anymore. I want kids who love themselves and are brave enough to live a life they love. I’m not sure that many people would still hand me the “Good Mom Award” but I’m okay with that. My ideas of what a good mom is have changed and my kids are thriving. And that’s what I care about.
Sometimes I wish that I at least could fit into the box of being just “heterosexual” or even just “lesbian” because it feels more acceptable. When I tell people that I am married with 3 kids AND I have a woman partner that I’m in love with, it can create a lot of confusion. I am always terrified that people will be weirded out and not take another moment to get to know me. I worry that they will not see my value because my life choices are too bizarre and they can’t wrap their mind around it all.
It’s scary when you don’t fit at all into any box. The truth is that I want to belong. I want to know that no matter what I choose and who I love, I am accepted and valued. In a way, boxes feel safe because you know the rules and when you live within the confines of the box, people know what to expect from you and you don’t have to explain yourself.
The area of the world that I live in is the good ol’ Bible Belt. Around these parts, most people are the typical heterosexual, have a family, go to church type. I used to fit in neatly. I was praised for who I was. Even exalted at times. But no one knew what had been going on inside me ever since I was a little girl. And it makes me wonder how many other people there are out there that have hidden away parts of themselves in order to fit into the box and be accepted.
Here’s what I’m saying: My darling friends, we don’t have to ride in the damn bike lane just because it’s there. It’s a suggestion that someone made up and put there. If it doesn’t fit who you are, you have full permission to make your own path. You have just as much right to the road as the cars do. You belong wherever the hell feels best to you.
I don’t believe life is about finding the box that best describes you. I think it’s about being brave enough to live “box free”. We are all so unique and different. It’s quite silly that we are all trying to smash into the same box with thousands of other people who are each very different.
I say “Fuck the bike lane.” Build the life that you want; the life that brings you happiness regardless of the weird looks you may get from others. I know it’s risky. I do. But to me, it’s riskier to waste my whole life trying to fit in a box that is slowly suffocating me to death.
I’ll take my chances. I prefer the wide open spaces, fresh air, and freedom to ride wherever this wild woman pleases. Bike lanes just aren’t for me.
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