A Different Woman on TV
Well hey there! I want to start today’s blog with immense gratitude: Gratitude for my health. Man, it was a long 2 weeks of the most miserable flu I’ve ever had! It felt like when an ocean wave knocks you off your feet and the current holds you underwater no matter how hard you try to come up for air. It fucking sucked.
So much for starting with gratitude…I just went right to complaining. 😂 Take two: Today I am ever so grateful for my body healing. I am still not back to 100% but my energy is returning and hope is finally visible on the horizon. It never ceases to amaze me how many really important things, like my health, I take for granted. Oh how easily I forget the simple gift of walking outside and feeling the warm sun on my face.
Today I biked to Kansas to try out a new coffee shop! The fresh air, the songbirds, the open fields rolling by, and the new scenery felt like exquisite food for my soul. I savored every moment.
Often I find myself working so hard for my future that I forget to savor the present moments. I’ve been pretty discouraged lately because I have such a big vision for my nonprofit Freedom For The Taking but getting it off the ground has felt impossible. It’s been a little over a year and I don’t have a lot to show for it. I guess I pictured my story going viral and people all over wanting me to come speak. I have had some amazing opportunities but just not as many as I hoped. I thought I was ready to go empower the world but instead, I spent the entire last year working on myself.
There is no fanfare or glory to doing the shit hard work of healing ourselves. Sitting in the uncomfortable silence and asking myself the hard questions feels like a frustrating waste of my time. I would so rather be helping someone else. Hell, I’d rather be doing just about anything else. It’s hard. It’s hard to sit with the unknown. I still have parts of my life that are stuck in the old mindset and the old way of living. I want to change them but it feels scary. Most of the time I just stay busy so I don’t have to think about it, but getting sick kind of forced me to rest. After some kicking and screaming, I finally took some time to journal and have some hard conversations with myself.
I have never found any magic answers to solving pain. The only thing I know to do is continue making choices that lead me toward the things I desire. Most of the time it’s a slow process that requires communication, diligence, and patience. This is where I forget to savor the moments because I get fixed on trying to rush to the outcome. I want change. I want a resolution. I want healing.
That’s the thing about healing. It is usually so slow that we don’t realize it’s taking place.
Last week KSN’s TV program Living Well asked me to come on to talk about my story and how I became a life coach. I was on their show a little over a year ago when I had just started Freedom For The Taking. Being on the show this time felt different. I didn’t realize it until I started the interview. I felt confident. Yes, it’s always painful remembering my story but I felt much more grounded this time. Even though I haven’t made any money or been able to work with a lot of people this past year, I have not wasted my time. I have spent it tending to myself. Those 8 minutes on air opened my eyes to see a different woman than the one on TV a year ago. This woman had changed. She had grown. It was apparent that she had done the work - and it felt amazing.
Today I celebrate the fact that I haven’t quit. I celebrate all the tears. I celebrate the confusion that forced me to ask the hard questions. I celebrate my commitment to continued healing. Those moments never felt monumental, but all of those moments together have gotten me farther down the road of healing.
Every moment matters. Every tear matters. Every time we choose growth matters and today I choose to believe that when I am ready, the Universe will send people my way. Until then, I will keep working on me. I will keep building Freedom For The Taking from the inside of me till someday it reaches the outside world.
I love you. You are worth taking the time to work on. Investing in ourselves is quite possibly the most valuable thing we will ever do.
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