4Runner - 4Me

Sep 11, 20244 min read

Wow.

It’s hard to pick what to blog about this week. I feel like I just lived an entire lifetime all within this last week.

I am blogging on a Friday because my normal blog day, yesterday, I biked to a dealer in Springfield, and drove out with a Toyota 4Runner.

So yeah. It was a slight deviation from my routine.

Sometimes, more often than not, life is hard - and super sucks. It feels like an uphill battle. When it rains, it pours. The unexpected happens. It pulls the rug out from under us. The mundane drags us down - drains us dry. It’s all we can do to keep our heads above water. We wonder if we will survive.

But then sometimes…just sometimes…

Life goes right. Things fall into place. The reward comes after a long-ass wait. Light peaks out from behind the darkness. Music finds its way to our souls - like a sip of cold water after a grueling hike. Relief washes over. Hope grabs onto our hand - just when we feel forgotten.

Isn’t it wild - the way life ebbs and flows?

I think life must be pretty damn close to riding a bull who is bipolar. Some days the bull throws you to the ground, tramples you, and runs off. Other days he just lets you sit there while he munches happily on flowers. Hell, maybe he even surprises you with a gentle ride.

One never knows quite what to expect.

We just wake up every day and hold on for dear life.

Surprisingly, this past week was amazing. Life not only gave me a gentle ride, it gave me a gift I didn’t expect to get till at least age 50.

My dream car. A Toyota 4Runner. I have wanted one for so long that I can’t even remember when my obsession first started.

For the last 11 years, I have had a beautiful Toyota Sienna van that served my family well. It wasn’t my dream car, but it was perfect for our young family with lots of car seats and diaper bags. I was very grateful for it because previous to that was a slew of unreliable cars that often left me and my kids stranded. Purchasing my van was an amazing solution to a lot of frustration.

However, every time I would drive past a Toyota 4Runner I would gaze longingly at it, but then instantly felt guilty. I was taught from a young age that desire was a bad thing. Thankfully, over the past 5 years, I worked hard to rewire those negative messages.

I began daring to desire - allowing myself to imagine owning a 4Runner someday.

I noticed there was a specific 4Runner that always caught my attention. It was a 5th-generation model, pearl white, trimmed out in black. Every time I saw one, I would smile and say aloud, “One day I will own you.”

It may sound silly, but it felt amazing. It felt like a promise to myself. It felt like love.

That’s the thing about love. We all desperately need it and look for ways to find it. We just forget that we can give it to ourselves.

Well, that’s what I did. I finally stopped waiting for someone else to fulfill my dreams. I decided I didn’t have to be a millionaire to have nice things. I decided I was worth it. Instead of waiting for a momentous occasion to celebrate myself… I celebrated now. Because if now isn’t the time, when is it? Will I ever be good enough? Would I ever feel worthy of being doted on? According to my ridiculous standards, probably not. And if you’re a bit like me, it’s likely that you too have a hard time valuing yourself.

But friends! We spend immense amounts of energy and love to make sure those around us feel seen, valued, and cared for. Don’t you think we also deserve that amount of love and care?

It’s not selfish. It’s smart - because running ourselves ragged, always taking the last place, and sacrificing ourselves constantly cannot be sustained forever; at least not without a part of us dying inside.

If people think we are selfish, well then, let them think that. Fuck the culture that praises an exhausted woman.

There are three things that I teach in my coaching business:

Discover your value
Dare to desire
Dive into your power

How does this sound to you? How does it feel to you? How will you know if you never try?

I don’t know about you, but I’m no longer waiting for someone to come and save me - or to bring me my dream car. This is my life. My time. My choice.

I’m sure life will continue to buck us off and send us plenty of hard days. That’s why it’s important for us to “take our freedom”. That freedom will look different for each of us, but ultimately, in whatever form we choose, the core of it is always love.

Love for ourselves. Love for this beautiful being inside us who never gives up.

Now that has to be worth celebrating. What are you waiting for?

On the count of 1,2,3,4Runner, here we come!!!